Death Threats

Last week Spencer threatened to cut off the air supply to my blog if I didn’t write anything. It sat untouched (and probably un-visited) for over a year. Maybe he knows that’s the motivation I need to write again or maybe he just really doesn’t want to spend money on my website if I’m not going to use it. Either way, it’s enough to get me off my tush and back to the page.

So much has happened since I last blogged (I probably owe a year-in-review), but the best part of 2019 has been starting the 2019-2020 school year. Summer was hard. It was good, but we faced some really hard things with our daughter. So I put some new practices and priorities into place as school started and it’s been lovely to sit back and watch God transform this wonk heart into what He’d prefer it to be. It’s amazing how trial and error can get us to where we want or need to be. I spent so much of last year trying to sketch out what this year should look like. I need this job and this Bible study on this day. In the end, I’m doing NONE of the things I thought I would be doing. Not one! Instead, I am a Room Mom for my First Grader’s class, attending a monthly art’s luncheon at my church, writing again and I even picked up my guitar. I’ve been on the greenbelt even though we are STILL waiting for that first cool front. And I feel more alive than ever.

I’ve watched my best friend surrender sleep to wake up and seek The Lord each morning and it has motivated me to do the same. I truly see God molding and fashioning her heart with this daily sacrifice and laying down of wants (like my want to sleep!) and I long for that. More than anything, I want a contentment that only God can provide. And after 38 years of humaning, I’m pretty sure that’s the only way I can find it. I have to start out my day surrendered and confident in who I am and Whose I am. I think the most beautiful part of that is my kids seeing me seek each morning. Out of this devotional has come another beautiful rhythm in our lives. Since the kids eat breakfast for ten minutes each morning, I’ve decided to use that chewing quiet time to read the Children’s Bible to them. I have them. They are buckled in to their sustenance and they listen to me. I do not want to let this habit go now that I’ve established it. Not only do they ask for another story every day, but I am praying with them more and seeing that they will not pick up this seeking life by osmosis. I MUST be intentional about showing them who Jesus is each day. That life is about being more than a good person and that we live on grace. I have got to parent on purpose or I will be waving them both off at age 18 hoping maybe they heard something good at church or youth camp. No. It’s not enough. They have to see me living out my faith, not just offering lip service.

So I seek. And a sweet little moment like the one above happens here and there. Spence walks in on Sabra and me sitting in our club chairs before dawn. “I’m reading my Bible,” she says to Spence as he leans down to give her a goodbye kiss.

My heart grows five times in size as I see this 5 year old copying what she sees her mom doing. I don’t want her to copy my beauty regimen or my style, I want her to copy this seeking life. This! This is what it’s all about. May my children remember hearing truth each morning before the walked out into the world and may I never forget that is exactly what I need all the days I live.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *